


make each other shine like old times (bring it back)

by hitmyheart



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 18:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19179241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitmyheart/pseuds/hitmyheart
Summary: Donghyuck knows that something is wrong with his relationship with Mark. He’s troubled over how far they've grown apart and how distant they've become. He still loves Mark and Mark still loves him too, at least he thinks so. But they have to do something in order to save their relationship.A trip back home might change that.





	make each other shine like old times (bring it back)

**Author's Note:**

> hello, i don't usually write hurt/comfort or angst, but i wanted to give this a try. hope you guys like it. happy reading! <3

* * *

 

**“Love is to think over and over again.”**

 

* * *

 

 

When Donghyuck woke up around midnight, he was groggy and a little bit dazed. He blinked his eyes and stared at the empty spot beside him. It was late and Mark hadn't come home yet. Mark always came home late these past few months because he was working on his new album. Sometimes Mark went to his studio before Donghyuck woke up and other times he didn't come home at all. Donghyuck was used to his ghost spot now. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, he decided to wait for his boyfriend in the living room. Donghyuck had stopped waiting for him to come home but there was something he had to say to the latter and he couldn't wait until tomorrow.

Once Donghyuck was downstairs, he sat on the couch and turned on the television just so he didn't feel alone. The voices from the television helped him to distract his mind, though it only lasted for a while. After a few minutes had passed, he heard a small bark. Coco ran from across the room, jumping happily into Donghyuck's lap.

“Hey, pup,” Donghyuck cooed, nuzzling his face. “Couldn't sleep, too?”

Coco let out another bark as an answer and Donghyuck chuckled at that. 

“Me too,” he sighed, adjusting Coco on his lap. “Your papa isn't home yet, too. Do you want to wait for him with me?”

Coco nuzzled Donghyuck's hand and it made the smaller cooed again, his smile widened. Coco was a stray dog that Mark found on the way home a few years ago when they first moved into Vancouver. He was very small, fragile, and he hated Mark, though the latter was the one who found it. It took some time for Coco to warm up at Mark. For a long time, they had a perfect son and father relationship until Mark got busy with his work and barely had time for anything else outside his work. Coco never waited for Mark to come home and he barked angrily whenever Mark approached him. They had been in a cold war for months and Donghyuck couldn't do anything about it.

Donghyuck had stopped working after he moved into Vancouver and he spent the majority of his free time with Coco. Having Coco in the house was like having a toddler and Donghyuck was happy about it. Coco's bright personality helped him get through the days. 

“Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck almost jumped on his seat when he heard Mark's deep and rough voice. He turned around and found Mark was standing only a few feet away from him. He looked confused as he stared at Donghyuck.

“Hi, Mark,” Donghyuck said, trying to sound nonchalant. “You're finally home.”

Donghyuck didn't mean to sound sarcastic but judging by the way Mark's eyebrows quickly furrowed, he knew that his boyfriend got the wrong impression. Again.

“Yeah, I'm finally home,”

Donghyuck tried not to wince at the sharp tone. He willed himself to stay composed. It wasn't anything new, anyway. Mark had been doing that for a while now.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

_Ouch._

That hurt more than Donghyuck wanted to admit. He swallowed thickly and schooled his expression, which wasn't that hard. Donghyuck had gotten better at masking his expression and hiding his true feelings.

“I was waiting for you,” he admitted, stuttering at the end.

Mark looked taken aback with his answer as if he didn't expect that Donghyuck would do that. Donghyuck felt like someone just splashed him with cold water. He wondered how many blows he could take at one night.

“How's work?” Donghyuck asked, wanting to change the sullen mood.

Mark hummed as he took off his shoes, not looking at Donghyuck.

“Good.”

Donghyuck nodded.

“Good.”

Mark didn't approach him, though Donghyuck had expected that. He went straight to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water. Settling Coco down the couch, Donghyuck got up to follow Mark. Mark's back was facing him and for a moment Donghyuck had a strong urge to approach him and rest his head against his strong back but he didn’t know if he was allowed to do that. Thankfully, he managed to stay grounded.

“We've got an invitation,” Donghyuck said, breaking the heavy silence in the room.

Mark slowly turned around to face Donghyuck. He stared at the smaller, waiting for him to say more.

“It's from Jaemin and Jeno. They're getting married next month and they wanted me to come home and help them with the preparation.”

Donghyuck was ecstatic when he received the news. Jaemin and Jeno had been together even longer than he and Mark. They've been in a long steady relationship, though they had their falling out too. Donghyuck was so happy to hear that his friends were finally getting married. Not only that, this was also Donghyuck's chance to go home. It had been years since he came back to Seoul and he was excited to go there.

“When are you going back to Seoul?”

“Tomorrow.”

Mark's lips pressed into a thin line. “Tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

A silence.

“Fine,” he said. “I'll go there next week.”

Donghyuck stared at Mark in surprised. “You're coming, too? But you're in the middle of preparing your new album. You can't possibly just fly there and—“

“Of course I can, Donghyuck,” Mark suddenly snapped, startling Donghyuck. “You know why? Because my new album is postponed for the time being and I'm currently jobless now.”

Donghyuck flinched back at the sudden outburst. His breath got stuck on his throat as he stared at Mark. There was the Mark he knew and loved. The narrowed eyes, the knots of muscles in both corners of his jaw, and the hard lines around his mouth. Mark's jaw was set hard and Donghyuck knew from experience that it wasn't a good sign.

“Your album is postponed?” he whispered. “I thought everything was going well?”

“Well, it obviously wasn't.”

Mark spat harshly and Donghyuck tried so hard not to take it personally. But he couldn't hide the hurt on his face. His eyes stung with fresh tears as he stared at the man before him. This was so typically Mark. When he's hurt, he became more detached. He closed people off and didn't let them in. Donghyuck used to be an exception. But now he was just like anyone else for Mark.

“I'm sorry,” Donghyuck said carefully in a small voice, not wanting to upset him even more. “I didn't know that. Are you okay?”

Mark looked away, clenching his jaw.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Donghyuck tried again after a moment of silence. Mark's face was hard and stoic as he turned to Donghyuck again.

“No, I don't want to, Donghyuck,” he spat, his voice harsher than before, and at that moment, Donghyuck decided that he hated the way his name rolled off his tongue.

Donghyuck could only stare at Mark. He wanted so badly to catch him by the shoulders. He wanted to hug him and tuck his head into Mark's neck. He wanted to feel his arms a little too tight around his ribs. He wanted to comfort him and let him know that he was there. Donghyuck was there for him, always have been and always would be. He wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to kiss his worry and fear away but he knew that he couldn't. It was getting hard to make a decent conversation with Mark, even less physical contact. Donghyuck wasn't sure if Mark would appreciate that so he stayed rooted in place, feeling torn.

“Go back to sleep. I need some time alone.”

It was Mark's way to dismiss Donghyuck. It was his way to tell Donghyuck that he didn't need him. Though Donghyuck was used of many things now, he thought he could never get used to this. He would never get used to not being wanted and needed by the only person he loved. Because it hurt more than anything else and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

Donghyuck didn't know when things started to go wrong. One day he woke up and the first thing that he saw was Mark's face. A familiar face that he barely recognized now. Who was he? His face was lean because of the daily exercises he did. His jaw was firm and he hadn't shaved in days that he's sporting light stubble. Donghyuck wanted to say that he knew the man before him, but he wasn't so sure anymore. Everything was all over the place after that and Donghyuck was utterly lost.

“Okay,” Donghyuck said after a long moment of silence. “I'm going back to bed. Are you coming with me?”

Mark didn't answer him. He also didn't come to their shared bedroom. His ghost spot was there to greet Donghyuck the next morning. That was when Donghyuck realized that they fucked up real bad.

 

* * *

 

 

Donghyuck dragged his suitcase to the living room and his steps came to a halt when he saw Mark was on the kitchen, his back facing him. He wasn’t sure if they were okay or not. Sometimes when things were not okay, they pretended that it was okay and went on without talking for a period of time. They always waited for things to go back to normal to talk again, though sometimes it took longer than they expected. But Donghyuck felt like he shouldn't wait now. He felt like he should've talked to Mark again before he left. Really talked to him. He still wanted to console him and made sure that everything was okay. But then Mark turned around and his head jerked slightly. He looked surprised to see Donghyuck, which meant that they still weren't okay and talking wasn't an option at the moment.

“You’re going now?”

Donghyuck nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated, but he knew that it wasn’t true. It wasn’t okay at all. They weren’t okay and Donghyuck wished they were bad at pretending. But, who was he kidding? They were both mastered at putting up a façade.

“I'm going now,”

Mark nodded, but he still wasn't looking at him directly. He looked down at his cup of coffee.

Donghyuck didn't try to smile again. Feeling a little bit brave and desperate at the same time, he walked toward Mark and ignored the way his boyfriend tensed. His throat closed as he lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Mark's neck. It took Mark a few moments before wrapping his arms around Donghyuck's waist ever so slowly and carefully as if it was the first time he did it. Donghyuck hugged him tighter, wanting to keep him close a little bit longer because it had been a while since the last time he could be this close with him. He wanted to savor the moment, though he knew it wouldn't last long.

“Love you,” Donghyuck whispered, holding Mark close in a chokehold and he could feel his body trembling when Mark squeezed him a little bit harder. At some point, they had stopped saying “I love you” to each other. It used to be a safety check but a lot of things had happened and all of sudden, they didn't say that kind of thing anymore.

Donghyuck waited for Mark to say something but his boyfriend kept mum.

“Mark, love you,” Donghyuck tried again and he didn’t care that he sounded so desperate now. He just wanted him to say it. He wanted to hear it again as proof that they were still in whatever this thing was.

“Yeah,” Mark breathed out a moment later. “Me too.”

It wasn’t exactly the words Donghyuck wanted to hear but it was at least something. Donghyuck reluctantly released him and took a step back. His whole body quivered as he watched Mark leaned down and dropped a quick kiss on his forehead.

“Take care,” he mumbled and he was quick to take two steps back.

Donghyuck felt like crying as he nodded.

“Okay. You too.”

By the time Donghyuck was out of the door, he was breathless as he stared blankly at nothing particular. He put his hand over his heart. Something was almost over. He could feel it and he was afraid of what might come.

 

* * *

 

 

Donghyuck took a deep breath as soon as he landed in Seoul. Despite not being there for almost four years now, Donghyuck was happy to finally be able to come home. Everything felt familiar here, which was something he desperately needed at the moment. Seoul hadn’t changed much and Donghyuck was eager to explore the city again. Now that he was here, home wasn’t quite the right word to describe the place anymore. Though being here gave him a sense of familiarity, Donghyuck thought it didn’t feel right because there was a void in his heart. Seoul didn’t feel like home anymore and Vancouver was never home either. It was just a place where he lived.

“Chocoball!”

Donghyuck break out of his reverie when he heard someone called his name. He looked up and his face brightened when he saw Jaemin was there, waving enthusiastically at him.

“Nana!”

Jaemin ran toward Donghyuck and lunged forward, draping his arms over his shoulders. He crushed him hard, sobbing in his shoulders. Donghyuck made a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat as he wrapped his arms around Jaemin, patting his back gently.

“Ugh, Nana, I missed you too but you’re gross when you’re crying,”

“How dare you, Chocoball!” Jaemin exclaimed as he pulled away, sniffling. “Is that all you’ve got to say to me after four years?”

Donghyuck wrinkled his nose.

“You’re embarrassing me,” he said. “And stop calling me Chocoball!”

Jaemin stomped his feet, pouting like a kid.

“But you’re my Chocoball!”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“You love me,”

Donghyuck sighed. “Of course I do, dumbass. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Jaemin smiled, his eyes sparkling. It made Donghyuck smiled, too.

“Congratulations,” he sincerely said, wrapping his arms around Jaemin’s shoulders. “Finally, you’re getting married!”

Jaemin’s eyes welled up with fresh tears.

“Thank you. I’m also happy that you’re here to get me through the stressful preparation of our wedding.”

“I’m happy I can help, you know,”

Jaemin looked around Donghyuck as if he was searching for someone. Donghyuck knew what was about to come and his stomach quickly lurched.

“Where is Mark?”

Donghyuck’s smile instantly fell.

 

* * *

 

 

“You and Mark are screwed up? Since when?”

Donghyuck tried not to wince at the blunt question. He should’ve known that Jaemin knew him like the back of his hand. They’ve been friends since they were in a diaper. One look and Jaemin could immediately know that something was off with Donghyuck. He was very good at reading Donghyuck’s emotions, too. Sometimes Donghyuck felt grateful over the fact, but other times, he wished he wasn’t so transparent to his friend.

It wasn’t hard to act all happy over the phone because Jaemin couldn’t see his face. Donghyuck had managed to convince Jaemin that he and Mark were perfectly fine, though he was pretty sure that the latter was suspicious. Now that they were here, face-to-face, there was no way Donghyuck could lie to Jaemin.

“What happened, Chocoball?”

Donghyuck could easily answer that. A lot happened during these past few years. A lot was wrong between them, even on good days where they could be on the same space but not being able to talk to each other as if they were strangers. There used to be easy days where Donghyuck would wait for Mark to come home and his boyfriend would catch him at the door and cornered him against the wall, kissing him as if there was no tomorrow. Happy days where they got to spend the whole day together, cuddling up on the couch while watching their favorite movies. Passionate days where they felt a bit adventurous and decided that having sex in the kitchen or right at the doorway were good ideas—it was the kind of sex that made their bodies burn in flames and left them breathless but Donghyuck always complained afterward that his back hurt because the floor was too hard. There were also lazy days where they could lay on bed for hours, talking about everything without being able to stop.

Everything had changed now. They stopped doing their things. Mark was unhappy now. Donghyuck was unhappy too because Mark was unhappy. Both of them were unhappy.

Donghyuck thought he wouldn't be able to tell Jaemin all of that without wanting to escape to the bathroom so he could cry for hours before putting his mask back on.

“Chocoball,” Jaemin scooted closer to his best friend and wrapped his arms around his shoulder as he watched the way Donghyuck’s face started to crumple. “It's okay. You can let go now. Let it all out. I'm here for you.”

It was all that took for Donghyuck to finally let everything out. He sobbed, sniffled, wailed, and hiccupped at the same time. It was the full-blown ugly cry that made him struggling to breathe but Jaemin told him not to stop until there was nothing to shed anymore. Jaemin patiently waited until Donghyuck finally stopped crying, exhausted and completely washed-out.

“Better?”

Donghyuck nodded, sniffling. “I'm sorry. It was so embarrassing.”

“No,” Jaemin shook his head, reaching out to wipe some tears on his cheeks. “It would be unhealthy if you keep bottling your emotions up.”

“I fucked up,” Donghyuck said, more tears spilling from his eyes. It was more painful to admit it out loud. “We fucked up. I think Mark doesn't love me anymore.”

Jaemin gasped and he looked at Donghyuck as if his best friend had grown two heads.

“That's ridiculous,” he said. “Where does that come from? Mark loves you more than anything. You guys have been together for what, seven years?”

Donghyuck shook his head furiously, not wanting to believe it. Jaemin wasn't there when Mark didn't look at Donghyuck when they were talking. He wasn't there when Mark always put some space on bed, never reaching out for Donghyuck again. He wasn't there to watch the way Mark pressed his lips against Donghyuck's skin, always brief, in a hurry, and cold. He wasn't there when Mark turned his back to Donghyuck whenever the smaller wanted to initiate a conversation. He wasn't there when Mark slowly falling out of love with Donghyuck.

“No, it's not like that anymore.”

“Chocoball,” Jaemin gently cut him off. “You know what I always say about your relationship with Mark, right? I always told you that you guys are the type of couples who will still be gross to each other even after forty.”

“He hates me,” Donghyuck stopped, choking with sobs. He was overcome by his emotions and threw himself at Jaemin again. “I make him unhappy. I drive him crazy.”

“But that's how your relationship with Mark is. You drive Mark crazy and as far as I know, Mark loves you for that, too.”

Donghyuck shook his head again, more desperate now. His relationship with Mark hadn't been working for a while now. He'd like to believe that they were in an unnerving phase of a relationship, but another part of him believed that they were heading for a breakup. If that happened, if Mark and he broke up, Donghyuck didn't know what he would do. Just thinking about it already broke his heart. 

“I'm jealous with your relationship with Jeno,” he mumbled, staring blankly at the wall. “He is the sweetest, you know? He calls you his little prince. He brings you flowers and breakfast in bed on anniversaries. Mark never calls me with sweet nicknames and he thinks that flowers are too old-fashioned for him.”

“It's not always like that, you know,” Jaemin sighed, playing with Donghyuck's hair. “Sometimes Jeno does that even when he's pissed at me because he wants to show me that he's present in our relationship. He thought that doing all of that will shut me up but it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes, when a problem arises, we need to sit down and talk it out. It's always better to talk and settle everything with clear heads.”

“That's sweet. The art of talking is getting old.”

“You can't compare Mark and Jeno, Chocoball,” Jaemin reminded him softly. “Mark shows his love for you in a different way. He loves you in his own way. Right now you guys are just a little lost. Everyone experiences that. It's good that you noticed it. Now all you have to do is take steps to course correct and come back to each other.”

Donghyuck wished things could be as easy as that. He wished that he could talk to Mark like he talked to Jaemin right now. Talking was never a problem before but now it proved to be one of the hardest things to do for both of them. Donghyuck wanted to tell Mark that something was wrong with their relationship, with them, everything. He wanted to tell him that he wanted things to be back like how it used to be. He wanted him, he needed him, and he still loved him. But he didn't know if he was brave enough to say it all to his face.

“You should sleep now. I will wake you up when before dinner. Jeno will be cooking for us.”

Donghyuck could only nod because he felt physically and mentally exhausted. After Jaemin left the room, Donghyuck laid awake on bed for hours. He hesitated for a moment before he reached for his phone and sent Mark a message.

 

**_papa_ **

_i miss you_

_wish you were here_

 

Later that night, when Donghyuck woke up, he immediately checked his phone to see if he’s got a notification or not. Mark left him on read and didn't answer him. Donghyuck tried to ignore the acute pain he was feeling and went downstairs when Jaemin called him.

Tomorrow, he thought. He would try again tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_hitmyheart)   
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/_hitmyheart)


End file.
